Who puts that dream of Prince Charming into a young girls mind? Who rips it away from her when she starts to grow and change? When her body isn't little and cute anymore and she has no idea what to do with the changes, the awkwardness happening?
Who is it that whispers into her ear "You will never be good enough for him." And why does she listen?
Then she grows up and into her body and is used to the new her, boys start to notice and little by little, her dream is replaced by flattery. By freckled faced boys who convince her that they are enough. And her Prince Charming reaches out His hand, unclasped.
It amazes me that I didn't give into them. That I was the one to write in my journal as a girl- Please Lord, help me to stay single till you are first in my life.
I probably added in my head, and make it quick OK?
I picture God chuckling and promising me that He would, but that it would be longer than I hoped it would be.
And He kept that promise. And I kept my promise, looking to Him and checking in every now and then to see if now was the time. Then when it was the time I went kicking and screaming, but I would have it no other way, it was His perfect timing.
I think of this when my husband whispers "You are beautiful" in my ear and I lift an eyebrow as if to say "I don't believe you, I've been told something different."
I think of this when I catch him looking at me, when I ask him why, he says it's because I'm his and he can't believe it.
I think of this when I still see that mischievous look in his eye before he scoops me up.
Love is terrifying and I am so new at it. I have known love for less than two years.
So when God was chuckling, He knew if He had given me the love of a man when I asked that I would not be ready. I would not be close to ready.
Because love is raw. Love is coarse. Love is absurd. Love is unforgettable.
Love is God.
And God has given me the love of a man. What we have is a reflection of God's love, a beautiful reflection but a reflection non the less. All we have to do is look up to see the real love story happening.
I went kicking and screaming into love, but because of Jordan's patience and heart, it didn't take me long to willingly embrace all that it was.
I think of this when I look back at God shaping and molding a little girl after His own heart.
I think of this when I remember how He held me when I was ready to throw it all away and He whispered "I love you, I love you, I love you." As sobs rocked my body.
I think of this when I shamefully remember all I have done against Him, and yet He calls me His beloved daughter.
This is love.
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