What Now?

And now we pick up the pieces. It has been two weeks since the bleeding began and our Regen was gone. What do you do with broken plans and a broken heart? We have two tickets from Zürich-Calgary that we booked the day before she died. She was the reason we were flying home so what do you do when your reason is gone?
We don't know why we are going home one year too early. Why we have to leave the country we love and the house full of young men and noise to who knows what in Three Hills Alberta.
My parents arrived on the 7th and we have been giving them the grand tour of the spots we have loved. Quaint towns of France, Alps of Switzerland, hills of Germany. We saw a rainbow. And it has been raining everyday.
In a few weeks we will leave and God is in that too. He is all around us and He knows just what we are getting ourselves into in this new journey.
We are healing but the tears still come. I am reminded every time I see a blonde haired, brown eyed little girl. I am reminded every time I see a pregnant lady. Baby clothes, toys, everything you can think of. There are hundreds of women walking around you who know this pain. It has been unreal how many women I know who have told me of their miscarriage because of mine. There are women who don't speak of it, some who carry it in shame and secret. Through this grief we have come to realize that the worst thing people can do is not say anything at all about our baby. Those who talk to us as if it didn't happen, who try to distract or talk of their own problems because death is awkward and unknown. Especially the death of a baby no one knew or saw. But to do that is to minimize our pain. You are saying it doesn't really matter or isn't anything to discuss. So talk to us Parents in our pain. Look us in the eyes and say you are sorry, that is sucks and is awful. Hug us. Pray for us. Have the courage to speak. Maybe then women wouldn't feel the need to hush up the agony that is causing everyone so much discomfort.
It will be ok. I have full confidence of that. This new unknown will have Jesus at the centre. It's a little bit exciting, not knowing what's ahead but knowing it will be good because we serve a good God who desperately loves us! It will all be ok.

We have been so overwhelmed by friends and family who have loved us through this. Thank you to all of you who have spoken into our pain and lifted us up in prayer. Through it all there was so much peace and we know it was because of all of you.  Please continue to pray for us in the unknown and the pain that we still go through as parents with no child to hold, and no plans for the immediate future. And for those of you who know of others who have suffered a miscarriage, you know what to do.