Our first surfing lesson right before we "hit the waves"!
Saying goodbye to my Grandpa Callaway, I didn't leave that coffin till I had to.
Saying my testimony in front of my church and getting baptised the same day as my brother!
This is right before I "ran" with a horse for the first time! I held onto the horn and the back of the saddle the whole time and laughed like a crazy woman.
It took me 20 minutes to jump into this water from a high ledge. OK, so the ledge was only about 20 feet from the water.
Hours after my wisdom teeth were taken from me! I looked like this for a week.
I travelled alone across the ocean, lived in Europe for a year and went to Capernwray Bible College in England and Austria. This is me in Greece when I went travelling with three other girls for a month.
On stage singing A Bushel and a Peck from "Guys and Dolls"
Right after I had Lazar eye surgery, I was blind for a few days and had to have a gorgeous man feed me. It was tough.
Climbing a mountain! This one was especially scary walking on a wire looking down at the huge drop off below!
Surfing in Oregon with my man, the waves were insane that day and I was just a little nervous.
Falling in love. Choosing to give my heart so someone to hold, never knowing what lies ahead.
Walking down the aisle with my Daddy, a dream in every girls heart!
Marriage. The most terrifying thing I have ever done."All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears--of falling, of the dark, of
lobsters, of falling on lobsters in the dark, or speaking before a Rotary Club,
and of the words "Some Assembly Required."---- Dave Barry
"What are fear but voices airy?
Whispering harm where harm is not.
And deluding the unwary
Till the fatal blow is shot!"
-Wordsworth
"Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me."
Fall is so short in Alberta! At the end of every October I reflect on that and actually wish I lived somewhere else, like Ontario (don't tell my husband), where the fall days stretch on and on with untold beauty! And then November hits, the air changes, I dig out our scarves and mittens, defrost the car in the morning and see people glancing up into the air like a reflex saying out loud- Is that snow?! Yes, panic is here, the fear of w...wwww....winnnnn...ter. I may be absolutely crazy, but I love it! Every year I can't wait for the first snow fall, when the world paints itself white. I have always darted outside all bundled up to laugh and jump in the falling flakes that bring the hope of Christmas.
Thoughts of Alberta in April are far from my mind, when people take to kicking the snow in hopes it will melt faster, all the while knowing it will stay like a headache till May at least.
Winter, I am dedicating this blog to you, I have been thinking long and hard about fear recently, this blog has taken me a few weeks to write, all because, as I told a friend, I'm too scared to post it!
This story is for my brother in law Josh, who keeps getting after me about my last story. Apparently I set a standard too high for any other man to beat when I posted in the last blog I wrote.
It was late and I was hungry, so I quietly got out of bed, turned the door knob and SQUEAK! My husband sat straight up and said "Hello?! WHO'S THERE??"
I jumped back on the bed and told him it was just me, and that everything is fine. He sank right back on the pillow and didn't remember a thing the next morning.
It got me thinking about fear, well, actually I had been thinking about fear way before then, ever since I realized that I am a very fearful person. Who me? Yes. Me. I might as well go around introducing myself as "Hello, I'm afraid."
The pictures above might seem random but they all have a common theme. They are all before, after and while I am doing something that absolutely terrifies me. I remember each instance, why I didn't give into my fear and who or what pushed me (sometimes literally) off the ledge.
God has been teaching me some important things lately as He always does when I listen!
1. I am fearful. (We have established this I think)
2. Yes, I am human, but it says in God's word that He has not given me a Spirit of fear, but of Power, of Love and of a sound mind. I think that's pretty clear don't you?
3. The only thing I need to fear is God. By fearing other, worldly things I am telling my Father that I don't trust or respect Him.
I have been telling God that I don't trust or respect Him. I hate it when He humbles me.
One of the songs that played during our wedding slide show was "Risk" by Paul Brandt. That song pretty much sums up our relationship. Here is the chorus:
"I'd rather burn with desire deep in my soul
And love like a fire that’s out of control
and laugh and dance and fall and chance and kiss.
I’d rather live my whole life with a sense of abandon
Squeeze every drop out no matter what happens.
And not wonder what I've missed
I’d rather risk."
I was called a gypsy a few months before Jordan came back into my life again. And it was true. I lived from year to year not thinking of what came next. Moved from place to place and took on every new opportunity, but I was TERRIFIED of commitment. Dating was the last thing that I thought of then because that might lead to marriage (collective gasp), and marriage is so...permanent! When Jordan asked me if he could be my first ever boyfriend, I said yes knowing that he was exactly what I needed and desired in a husband, but that didn't mean that I didn't freak out. I lost ten pounds, hardly ever slept, called my bestie Jordan Ann twelve times a day to ask her if I really should be doing this, was late for work twice which had never happened before and walked around the house aimlessly with no direction or thought.
And yet, I had such a peace that I know was from God. He gently would whisper to me that His ways are greater than my own, that He has a perfect plan for me and that it was finally my time after waiting, hoping and dreaming! God is the reason for the peace that I have in life. He is the reason I can walk away from my Grandfathers coffin and face life without his crazy grin. The reason I let that horse run the second time, holding on the right way this time as I trusted an animal and moved with his strong body feeling God's laughter resound with mine. And the reason I grabbed my fathers elbow with a confident smile and walked steadily down the aisle to the man waiting for me with tears running down his face.
I want to risk. I long to run through my life with my Savior with no fear because fear never comes from God!
It snowed last week in Trochu. People have stopped looking up nervously now that it has happened and we know more will come.
"Welcome winter!" I say as I stare into the falling snow. I will not fear what is to come because my God is with me!
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