Crafts!!

I have a weakness. I have a lot of weaknesses, but I want to talk about this one in particular. CRAFTS! I would rather be doing crafts, making cards, scrap booking, painting, than almost anything else in the world!

My Husband is also very creative and constantly gives me ideas. Here is one of them that I made yesterday. I hesitate to post it because well, everyone else may think it's ugly but I decided to step out on a limb and do something scary! I try to do something scary everyday, here is today's.

I bought some bamboo at Ikea for $2.00 each and didn't want to buy more pots to plant them, so Jordan told me what i would need.

A yogurt container with lid, scissors, glue, thin rope or twine and potting dirt.

Not pictured- a laptop or TV with one of your favourite shows on, or favourite music playing.

This is a must.

Start by cutting off the top of the yogurt container, you don't have to, but I thought it would be easier. Then start gluing the rope or twine on to the top and keep going around in a spiral like motion. Ignore the wire, I was going to make handles but it didn't work. =)

Keep going...

And going...

...This is why you want the show or music, this craft takes a very long time.

Once it's completely covered with rope or twine, poke holes in the bottom and set it aside. Grab the yogurt lid and do what you want with it, I wrapped the rope around the outside.

Once the lid is finished, place the dirt inside and the plant. Before you water it (which should be right away) make sure the lid is underneath!

VOILA! Potted plants that cost less than $10.00! I know it's not the most elegant thing, but if you, like us, are trying to save money while decorating the house and having fun with it then I would recommend this craft!

Bamboo is a lot of fun and doesn't need direct sun light which is what we need in this house! Especially in the winter. I hope you enjoyed!

Complacency

"How did I get here again? Didn't I just leave?

I TOLD YOU I DON'T LIKE THIS PLACE.

Please, bring me back. Hello? Hello?! I know you're there, I can hear you. Why can't I understand you? I said I needed your help but not here. Please not here. It's cold, it's dark, and I'm all alone.

Will I ever escape? I don't remember how I did it last time, did I push down the walls? Did I run?
Think. Why did I end up here again?

Oh. Oh no. No please. I want to forget. Hello? Why can't you just talk to me? I know you can help, you could make this go away. It would be easier than breathing. I can't do it on my own. I don't want to even move. I was so happy before, for a little while. Wasn't I?

...No, it was complacency that I felt. But I was starting to feel better, I was starting to smile, to think of other things. I even laughed. Really laughed. Do I have to fake that again? I know in You I have freedom, but bondage is sometimes easier to bear.

Did you hear that? Do you hear me? What's happened to me?

I used to be so free, so protected. I used to go to sleep at night knowing I was safe, knowing I had no burdens to bear. Do you remember me twirling in my living room dressed all in pink, pretending I was a ballerina? Dancing. But I wanted to grow up, I wanted to leave home. Could you bring me back there? I could be a child forever.
But no, I can't.

Can you at least make me complacent again? I don't like this. I don't want to feel. I messed up I know but I don't know any other way. You're too perfect. I'm too messy. I'm sorry."


Suddenly the girl awoke, she looked around her and realized she was in a ballroom. A huge ballroom with golds, greens, blues and purples surrounding her in pictures on the wall. Her ears caught a familiar sound and she could faintly hear music playing all around her. She turned to go, knowing that this was no place for her, for a sinner. But a breeze opened the door, holding her in place. There He was, blocking the doorway. "NO!" she cried. "I told you, I don't want to feel!"
He didn't move, but a slow grin spread upon His face as he held out His hand. He waited. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Five seconds was all it took for her hand to reach his. She held her head down, ashamed and He gently pushed her chin up until she was looking into His eyes. Eyes she knew and loved. All she saw was love. He held her close and as they moved, the music once faint grew and grew. She knew this song, it was their song. How could she have forgotten? This is where she belonged.
"Will I leave again?" She whispered
Instead of answering, He held her closer and said "I will always find you."

Hungry?

We recently arrived back from two weeks away and were planning on replenishing our fridge as soon as we got back. It has now been 6 days and we've had no time to shop.
It's amazing what we've been finding in our pantry and fridge that we normally don't use because of all the other food we have. The only fruit we have is a bag of apples and let me tell you, we are finding very interesting ways to use apples. Last night our snack was popcorn and Jordan said "Apple cinnamon popcorn!" So apple cinnamon popcorn it was, I have never heard of such a thing but it was so good!
The hardest thing to go without though, is milk. Mainly because of tea, though Jordan does need his cereal. Guess what? We found out we have powdered milk! I was surprised that it tastes relatively the same and when I needed my chai yesterday, powdered milk was excited to step in for the real kind.

If someone were to come to our house and open our fridge they would probably think we were fasting. But the truth is, we haven't gone hungry once. Even though our usual food is missing and we finished our last frozen pizza yesterday, we still have enough to make apple cinnamon popcorn.

The first few months of being a bride were so exciting for me. I finally was able to cook for someone and show my husband how talented I am! So I bought lots of groceries and started trying out all the best recipes. We ate very well but soon found out that I had gone a little over budget. OK, I had managed to go a LOT over budget.
Lately I've been realizing that just because we need to eat well and food is everywhere around us in this country, it doesn't mean we can't be frugal with our meals. I bought a book called "Cut Your grocery Bill in Half with America's Cheapest Family" by Steve and Annette Economides. Definitely a recommended read!
I have found some very helpful tips, tips that are incredibly simple and should be used by everyone. They go on a huge grocery shopping trip once a month and the next day cook meals they then freeze and use throughout the month. When they run out of fruit, milk and such they go back to the grocery store.
I am starting slow and going every two weeks because we don't have a deep freezer yet. One tip I have been using is writing down our meal plan each week and schedule so we know when we only have half an hour to cook and eat (this happens often) and when we have a few hours so I can take my time.

I have been thinking about food, and cooking, and meal plans for a while. Especially since our food has been sparse here. At the same time, I have become a "Compassion advocate" an organization I've talked about before in this blog (the month of November), one I have wanted to be involved in since I was a little girl! I am trying to find a home for 6 more children, and only have their packets till January 31st.
We sponsor two children and I know they have a much different view of food planning that I do. Now that they are in Compassions system, they have food to eat, they know that their next meal will be soon, even if it's only rice and beans. But there are millions of women and mothers who can't plan their meals per week, much less per day. They can't show off their talent to their husbands and children because there is no food.

Here I am in Canada with tons of food in my cupboards that I never eat unless we have nothing else to eat, and I think that we hardly have any food. Can you imagine one of those women coming to my house? She would have a feast!
I'm embarrassed of my wealth, though by this country's standards we have none! I'm embarrassed of my complaints and thoughts that we don't have enough.
When I went to the Dominican Republic at 17 years of age and saw first hand how amazing the organization Compassion is, I resolved never to say "I'm starving" again. And I haven't. Because I've seen starving. I saw the kids on the street, their bellies sticking out, their arms and legs nothing but bones. And I saw the joyful faces on the children who were sponsored with Compassion. Even though they have nothing compared to us, they had more than we ever will. They escaped from poverty, from day to day hunger. I want more children to escape, which is why I signed on to be an advocate.

Don't worry, I'm going shopping today and plan to make some amazing meals for my hard working husband. As we sit at the table, we will thank God for the food and both of us will think of all those who can't say that. And then we will eat.

Always

Music moves me. It envelopes me whenever I hear it. I can't explain the effect it has on me in words. It brings me to tears, it stops me in my tracks, it teaches me more than a sermon ever could and it makes me move wherever I'm at. Yes, I am one of those strange people you see moving to their own beat, seen or unseen. Whenever I hear music I can't help but dance. Which I'm sure has raised some eyebrows in our Baptist Church.
Lately music has been making me close my eyes and cry silent tears. But not any kind of music, music about Jesus. About His love for me and mankind. Songs that speak of His healing touch, His grace.
I can't explain that either, I think it comes from a deep assurance that no matter what happens, He is with me. That sentence should be in flashing colours with fireworks shooting from it.

He is with me when I feel like a failure. He is with me when the dishes are piled high and I am on a campaign to rid the world of bathrooms to clean. He is with me when I can't sleep because pain that I can't bear is too great. He is with me when I scream out WHY? into the silent house. He is with me when I laugh at my Husband's impression of me saying "Just love meeeeee." He is with me when I wish friends were closer and when I rejoice that my best friend is ten minutes away! He is with me when I know it's my fault the fight started but am never the first one to say I'm sorry. He is with me when I dream about the future and our 9 children. HE IS WITH ME.

My husband always prays for God to be with so and so, and I've told him that you never have to ask that of God. It says in the Bible "And lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age."
Wow! The God of the Universe is with me and you always. That makes me incredibly thankful and totally embarrassed. He's seen it all. The times I gossip, lie, cheat and fight. And I'm glad. Because I can't hide anything from Him yet He loves me and is with me always.


That's enough to make me cry tears of thankfulness. What about you?

You are My Hiding Place

"You are my hiding place, you always fill my heart with songs of deliverance.
Whenever I am afraid I will trust in you.

I will trust in you.
Let the weak say I am strong
In the strength of the Lord."

Hug a Pastor's Wife

I haven't written in a while. Mostly because I don't know where to start, or what to write. Even now I have no idea what word will come next.

Our life is so full right now, but I am once again broken. Do you ever feel that way? Right now I am listening to a song and this is what I hear- "When I'm broken, scared by sin, death gives way to life again. when I suffer, when I'm down, in YOU I'm free, in YOU I'm found." (You're Not Shaken by Phil Stacey)

Isn't it funny how God works?

My help comes from the Lord.

I have been realizing how completely incapable I am to do this "job" of a Pastor's Wife. In fact I sometimes detest it. (shock!) It's lonely. It's tiring. It's discouraging. It's annoying. It's heart breaking. It's busy. It's draining. Did I mention it's lonely?

I never thought I would write that in this blog. In my nightmares I can see the people in our church reading it and pulling me aside. Writing this must mean I'm really crazy.

The fact is, our church is wonderful, most of the people are wonderful and I feel so blessed to be serving there.

But another fact? No matter what church a Pastor and Pastor's wife serve at, it will ALWAYS be discouraging and draining and lonely at some point.

Why is that? Why Lord?

Because people are lonely, and discouraging, annoying, busy and draining. Anyone who works with people or is a person knows that!

I have always had the dream to work overseas. Specifically to work at or start an orphanage. I long to look after orphans and widows in their distress as the last few verses of James tell us perfect 'religion' is. Maybe God has that in our future, I don't know. What I do know is, we are called to be in this little town on the prairies, and that is where we will be till God calls us elsewhere. Orphans and widows, people in need, are not only overseas. but right here. I long to be His hands and feet, to say YES to God daily for whatever He asks. I need to remind myself of that so often! Satan seeks to kill and destroy, especially those who know the Lord is their hope and I will not let him do that to me or my husband.

I'm sorry if my thoughts don't make sense, I am writing from somewhere deep down that even I don't understand. I am slowly starting to grasp my role as my Husbands helper. And I am in no means wanting sympathy. Our life is so full remember? And rich. I am blessed beyond measure.

We were told by a dear friend that ministry during your first year of marriage is not the smartest idea and I now see why. At the time I said that if we weren't doing this, we would be doing some other kind of ministry for that is where our hearts are! And it's true. But every now and then I am reminded of that conversation and have a very different response in mind.

It is crazy, our schedule is WAY too busy for a first year of marriage. But I have resolved never to be that person that when asked how I am I always respond with "So busy!" And then talk for twenty minutes about why to the poor person who asked.

Life will always be busy. I would much rather have it busy then sit around doing nothing, I have been there and will take this life over that one any day.

So, what am I trying to say in this pathetic post? Life is not rosy as a Youth Pastor's wife, it's busy and sometimes heart breaking but it is RICH in all things good. There is never a dull moment.

Could you do something for me though? The next time you see your Pastors wife, give her a hug. Heaven knows she needs it.

How Can I Not?

I am so excited today and have to write all about it! A few months ago I decided to say yes and take a scary step which meant standing in front of my church (which my Husband does all the time, but not me) and stand up for the helpless and hurting in our world. I am involved with Compassion International as in I have sponsored two different girls since I was 17. I love this ministry and was able to go on a missions trip back in 2006 to the Dominican Republic with Compassion. We travelled to different "Projects" which are essentially schools where kids learn how to live and love, are given food, education, bibles. friends, laughter, hope and a future. They are given HOPE and a FUTURE. THEY ARE GIVEN A FUTURE. I can't emphasize that enough. Below is what I was able to tell my church about my experience with Compassion. Eight kids were sponsored this morning!!! Eight children now have (wait for it...) A HOPE AND A FUTURE. I can do nothing but praise God for His faithfulness! For it is nothing that I did, only HIM. He is the reason those kids will be jumping for joy in a few short days when they hear the news!

And I can't stop with this morning, I won't. Which is why I wanted to post this, in the hope that someone who reads will be touched by the hand of God, by His gentle whisper. Whether or not you already sponsor a child (Thank you if you do!). Here is a link to their website in Canada. http://www.compassion.ca/

Here is what I shakily said to my Church this morning:

Good morning!
I'm here to take part in a national event called Compassion Sunday. For the next few minutes, we will focus on the needs of children in the world and how we as a church family can take a small step that will make a big difference in these children's lives.

All you have to do is pick up any newspaper or turn on the TV to realize that children all around the world suffer the devastation of poverty. It is said that every five seconds a child dies from preventable diseases, dirty water, and malnutrition. Not to mention those that live with starvation looming over their heads and hunger following them wherever they go, those who are forced into the sex trade by their family thinking it will be better for them, or those who grow up with no parents, roaming the streets looking for food. Imagine not knowing that there is a God who loves you and has made a way for your eternal salvation. I know that the whole thing is so overwhelming that many people have no idea where to help, or how to start helping because they think- what can I do? I'm not going to fix world hunger. So they do nothing. No, you cannot change the world, but for every child sponsored, their world is changed. They now have hope.

Through Compassion's ministry, more than 1 million children are being given real help for today. They are given schooling, food, clothes, books, letters in the mail from their sponsor who loves and cares for them and more importantly, they are discovering how God has shown His love for them through the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I love Compassion's ministry because they have taken a scary stand and have the name of Jesus in their title "Releasing children from poverty in Jesus name." They have taken a lot of criticism for that from our world, but God is also blessing them ten fold because of it.
I'm not standing up here as someone who doesn't know what I'm talking about. When I was around 12, my parents went with Compassion on a missions trip. They went to the Dominican Republic and saw first hand what Compassion does. My Dad was holding a little baby boy one day and as he turned to hand the baby back to his mother, she put up her hands and said "No, you keep him. We can't feed him." Imagine. As a Mother, wanting so desperately for her child to live a healthy long life, knowing that through her it is impossible.
When I was in grade 12 my Parents took my younger brother and I back to the Dominican and my eyes were opened as I saw starvation for the first time in my life. A few months earlier I had told my Dad that I really wanted to get a cell phone and could finally pay for one. He looked at me and said, you know, it's less expensive to sponsor a child. I frowned at him knowing full well that he had me and there was no way I was going to spend money on a cell phone instead of save a little girls life. Her name was Darianni Lorenzo and I was able to meet her. As she shyly hugged me back and I tried my best to say things like "Hola, Coma estas?" I watched as she slowly opened up to me and by the end of our visit was hugging me and we were talking to each other in completely different languages but understanding each other all the same. I had brought with me a backpack filled with things to give her and after she opened everything she turned to me and handed me a box of smarties that I had given her. I was speechless. To have nothing, and yet bless me with what she had just been given. While here I am, having everything and holding on to it all.

If God is speaking to your heart today about changing a child's life, all it will cost you is $41 a month. That's like a coffee a day at Tim Horton's, or 4 coffee's a month at Starbucks. I have 14 child packs in the back and pray that all 14 of them are taken. Jordan and I have decided to sponsor one more child because when you have seen a need so great, how can you not do something? I have no other answer than that for you, how can I not?
Thank you so much for your time. God bless!

I tried to upload a video but it was taking too long! If you would like to watch one go to this link...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PorUJM8O_lI&feature=related

Hello, I'm afraid.

Our first surfing lesson right before we "hit the waves"!
Saying goodbye to my Grandpa Callaway, I didn't leave that coffin till I had to.
Saying my testimony in front of my church and getting baptised the same day as my brother!

This is right before I "ran" with a horse for the first time! I held onto the horn and the back of the saddle the whole time and laughed like a crazy woman.

It took me 20 minutes to jump into this water from a high ledge. OK, so the ledge was only about 20 feet from the water.

Hours after my wisdom teeth were taken from me! I looked like this for a week.

I travelled alone across the ocean, lived in Europe for a year and went to Capernwray Bible College in England and Austria. This is me in Greece when I went travelling with three other girls for a month.

On stage singing A Bushel and a Peck from "Guys and Dolls"

Right after I had Lazar eye surgery, I was blind for a few days and had to have a gorgeous man feed me. It was tough.

Climbing a mountain! This one was especially scary walking on a wire looking down at the huge drop off below!

Surfing in Oregon with my man, the waves were insane that day and I was just a little nervous.

Falling in love. Choosing to give my heart so someone to hold, never knowing what lies ahead.

Walking down the aisle with my Daddy, a dream in every girls heart!

Marriage. The most terrifying thing I have ever done.

"All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears--of falling, of the dark, of
lobsters, of falling on lobsters in the dark, or speaking before a Rotary Club,
and of the words "Some Assembly Required."---- Dave Barry

"What are fear but voices airy?

Whispering harm where harm is not.

And deluding the unwary

Till the fatal blow is shot!"

-Wordsworth

Psalm 55:5

"Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me."

Fall is so short in Alberta! At the end of every October I reflect on that and actually wish I lived somewhere else, like Ontario (don't tell my husband), where the fall days stretch on and on with untold beauty! And then November hits, the air changes, I dig out our scarves and mittens, defrost the car in the morning and see people glancing up into the air like a reflex saying out loud- Is that snow?! Yes, panic is here, the fear of w...wwww....winnnnn...ter. I may be absolutely crazy, but I love it! Every year I can't wait for the first snow fall, when the world paints itself white. I have always darted outside all bundled up to laugh and jump in the falling flakes that bring the hope of Christmas.

Thoughts of Alberta in April are far from my mind, when people take to kicking the snow in hopes it will melt faster, all the while knowing it will stay like a headache till May at least.

Winter, I am dedicating this blog to you, I have been thinking long and hard about fear recently, this blog has taken me a few weeks to write, all because, as I told a friend, I'm too scared to post it!

This story is for my brother in law Josh, who keeps getting after me about my last story. Apparently I set a standard too high for any other man to beat when I posted in the last blog I wrote.

It was late and I was hungry, so I quietly got out of bed, turned the door knob and SQUEAK! My husband sat straight up and said "Hello?! WHO'S THERE??"

I jumped back on the bed and told him it was just me, and that everything is fine. He sank right back on the pillow and didn't remember a thing the next morning.

It got me thinking about fear, well, actually I had been thinking about fear way before then, ever since I realized that I am a very fearful person. Who me? Yes. Me. I might as well go around introducing myself as "Hello, I'm afraid."

The pictures above might seem random but they all have a common theme. They are all before, after and while I am doing something that absolutely terrifies me. I remember each instance, why I didn't give into my fear and who or what pushed me (sometimes literally) off the ledge.

God has been teaching me some important things lately as He always does when I listen!

1. I am fearful. (We have established this I think)

2. Yes, I am human, but it says in God's word that He has not given me a Spirit of fear, but of Power, of Love and of a sound mind. I think that's pretty clear don't you?

3. The only thing I need to fear is God. By fearing other, worldly things I am telling my Father that I don't trust or respect Him.

I have been telling God that I don't trust or respect Him. I hate it when He humbles me.

One of the songs that played during our wedding slide show was "Risk" by Paul Brandt. That song pretty much sums up our relationship. Here is the chorus:

"I'd rather burn with desire deep in my soul

And love like a fire that’s out of control

and laugh and dance and fall and chance and kiss.

I’d rather live my whole life with a sense of abandon

Squeeze every drop out no matter what happens.

And not wonder what I've missed

I’d rather risk."

I was called a gypsy a few months before Jordan came back into my life again. And it was true. I lived from year to year not thinking of what came next. Moved from place to place and took on every new opportunity, but I was TERRIFIED of commitment. Dating was the last thing that I thought of then because that might lead to marriage (collective gasp), and marriage is so...permanent! When Jordan asked me if he could be my first ever boyfriend, I said yes knowing that he was exactly what I needed and desired in a husband, but that didn't mean that I didn't freak out. I lost ten pounds, hardly ever slept, called my bestie Jordan Ann twelve times a day to ask her if I really should be doing this, was late for work twice which had never happened before and walked around the house aimlessly with no direction or thought.

And yet, I had such a peace that I know was from God. He gently would whisper to me that His ways are greater than my own, that He has a perfect plan for me and that it was finally my time after waiting, hoping and dreaming! God is the reason for the peace that I have in life. He is the reason I can walk away from my Grandfathers coffin and face life without his crazy grin. The reason I let that horse run the second time, holding on the right way this time as I trusted an animal and moved with his strong body feeling God's laughter resound with mine. And the reason I grabbed my fathers elbow with a confident smile and walked steadily down the aisle to the man waiting for me with tears running down his face.

I want to risk. I long to run through my life with my Savior with no fear because fear never comes from God!

It snowed last week in Trochu. People have stopped looking up nervously now that it has happened and we know more will come.

"Welcome winter!" I say as I stare into the falling snow. I will not fear what is to come because my God is with me!