Hug a Pastor's Wife

I haven't written in a while. Mostly because I don't know where to start, or what to write. Even now I have no idea what word will come next.

Our life is so full right now, but I am once again broken. Do you ever feel that way? Right now I am listening to a song and this is what I hear- "When I'm broken, scared by sin, death gives way to life again. when I suffer, when I'm down, in YOU I'm free, in YOU I'm found." (You're Not Shaken by Phil Stacey)

Isn't it funny how God works?

My help comes from the Lord.

I have been realizing how completely incapable I am to do this "job" of a Pastor's Wife. In fact I sometimes detest it. (shock!) It's lonely. It's tiring. It's discouraging. It's annoying. It's heart breaking. It's busy. It's draining. Did I mention it's lonely?

I never thought I would write that in this blog. In my nightmares I can see the people in our church reading it and pulling me aside. Writing this must mean I'm really crazy.

The fact is, our church is wonderful, most of the people are wonderful and I feel so blessed to be serving there.

But another fact? No matter what church a Pastor and Pastor's wife serve at, it will ALWAYS be discouraging and draining and lonely at some point.

Why is that? Why Lord?

Because people are lonely, and discouraging, annoying, busy and draining. Anyone who works with people or is a person knows that!

I have always had the dream to work overseas. Specifically to work at or start an orphanage. I long to look after orphans and widows in their distress as the last few verses of James tell us perfect 'religion' is. Maybe God has that in our future, I don't know. What I do know is, we are called to be in this little town on the prairies, and that is where we will be till God calls us elsewhere. Orphans and widows, people in need, are not only overseas. but right here. I long to be His hands and feet, to say YES to God daily for whatever He asks. I need to remind myself of that so often! Satan seeks to kill and destroy, especially those who know the Lord is their hope and I will not let him do that to me or my husband.

I'm sorry if my thoughts don't make sense, I am writing from somewhere deep down that even I don't understand. I am slowly starting to grasp my role as my Husbands helper. And I am in no means wanting sympathy. Our life is so full remember? And rich. I am blessed beyond measure.

We were told by a dear friend that ministry during your first year of marriage is not the smartest idea and I now see why. At the time I said that if we weren't doing this, we would be doing some other kind of ministry for that is where our hearts are! And it's true. But every now and then I am reminded of that conversation and have a very different response in mind.

It is crazy, our schedule is WAY too busy for a first year of marriage. But I have resolved never to be that person that when asked how I am I always respond with "So busy!" And then talk for twenty minutes about why to the poor person who asked.

Life will always be busy. I would much rather have it busy then sit around doing nothing, I have been there and will take this life over that one any day.

So, what am I trying to say in this pathetic post? Life is not rosy as a Youth Pastor's wife, it's busy and sometimes heart breaking but it is RICH in all things good. There is never a dull moment.

Could you do something for me though? The next time you see your Pastors wife, give her a hug. Heaven knows she needs it.

How Can I Not?

I am so excited today and have to write all about it! A few months ago I decided to say yes and take a scary step which meant standing in front of my church (which my Husband does all the time, but not me) and stand up for the helpless and hurting in our world. I am involved with Compassion International as in I have sponsored two different girls since I was 17. I love this ministry and was able to go on a missions trip back in 2006 to the Dominican Republic with Compassion. We travelled to different "Projects" which are essentially schools where kids learn how to live and love, are given food, education, bibles. friends, laughter, hope and a future. They are given HOPE and a FUTURE. THEY ARE GIVEN A FUTURE. I can't emphasize that enough. Below is what I was able to tell my church about my experience with Compassion. Eight kids were sponsored this morning!!! Eight children now have (wait for it...) A HOPE AND A FUTURE. I can do nothing but praise God for His faithfulness! For it is nothing that I did, only HIM. He is the reason those kids will be jumping for joy in a few short days when they hear the news!

And I can't stop with this morning, I won't. Which is why I wanted to post this, in the hope that someone who reads will be touched by the hand of God, by His gentle whisper. Whether or not you already sponsor a child (Thank you if you do!). Here is a link to their website in Canada. http://www.compassion.ca/

Here is what I shakily said to my Church this morning:

Good morning!
I'm here to take part in a national event called Compassion Sunday. For the next few minutes, we will focus on the needs of children in the world and how we as a church family can take a small step that will make a big difference in these children's lives.

All you have to do is pick up any newspaper or turn on the TV to realize that children all around the world suffer the devastation of poverty. It is said that every five seconds a child dies from preventable diseases, dirty water, and malnutrition. Not to mention those that live with starvation looming over their heads and hunger following them wherever they go, those who are forced into the sex trade by their family thinking it will be better for them, or those who grow up with no parents, roaming the streets looking for food. Imagine not knowing that there is a God who loves you and has made a way for your eternal salvation. I know that the whole thing is so overwhelming that many people have no idea where to help, or how to start helping because they think- what can I do? I'm not going to fix world hunger. So they do nothing. No, you cannot change the world, but for every child sponsored, their world is changed. They now have hope.

Through Compassion's ministry, more than 1 million children are being given real help for today. They are given schooling, food, clothes, books, letters in the mail from their sponsor who loves and cares for them and more importantly, they are discovering how God has shown His love for them through the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I love Compassion's ministry because they have taken a scary stand and have the name of Jesus in their title "Releasing children from poverty in Jesus name." They have taken a lot of criticism for that from our world, but God is also blessing them ten fold because of it.
I'm not standing up here as someone who doesn't know what I'm talking about. When I was around 12, my parents went with Compassion on a missions trip. They went to the Dominican Republic and saw first hand what Compassion does. My Dad was holding a little baby boy one day and as he turned to hand the baby back to his mother, she put up her hands and said "No, you keep him. We can't feed him." Imagine. As a Mother, wanting so desperately for her child to live a healthy long life, knowing that through her it is impossible.
When I was in grade 12 my Parents took my younger brother and I back to the Dominican and my eyes were opened as I saw starvation for the first time in my life. A few months earlier I had told my Dad that I really wanted to get a cell phone and could finally pay for one. He looked at me and said, you know, it's less expensive to sponsor a child. I frowned at him knowing full well that he had me and there was no way I was going to spend money on a cell phone instead of save a little girls life. Her name was Darianni Lorenzo and I was able to meet her. As she shyly hugged me back and I tried my best to say things like "Hola, Coma estas?" I watched as she slowly opened up to me and by the end of our visit was hugging me and we were talking to each other in completely different languages but understanding each other all the same. I had brought with me a backpack filled with things to give her and after she opened everything she turned to me and handed me a box of smarties that I had given her. I was speechless. To have nothing, and yet bless me with what she had just been given. While here I am, having everything and holding on to it all.

If God is speaking to your heart today about changing a child's life, all it will cost you is $41 a month. That's like a coffee a day at Tim Horton's, or 4 coffee's a month at Starbucks. I have 14 child packs in the back and pray that all 14 of them are taken. Jordan and I have decided to sponsor one more child because when you have seen a need so great, how can you not do something? I have no other answer than that for you, how can I not?
Thank you so much for your time. God bless!

I tried to upload a video but it was taking too long! If you would like to watch one go to this link...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PorUJM8O_lI&feature=related

Hello, I'm afraid.

Our first surfing lesson right before we "hit the waves"!
Saying goodbye to my Grandpa Callaway, I didn't leave that coffin till I had to.
Saying my testimony in front of my church and getting baptised the same day as my brother!

This is right before I "ran" with a horse for the first time! I held onto the horn and the back of the saddle the whole time and laughed like a crazy woman.

It took me 20 minutes to jump into this water from a high ledge. OK, so the ledge was only about 20 feet from the water.

Hours after my wisdom teeth were taken from me! I looked like this for a week.

I travelled alone across the ocean, lived in Europe for a year and went to Capernwray Bible College in England and Austria. This is me in Greece when I went travelling with three other girls for a month.

On stage singing A Bushel and a Peck from "Guys and Dolls"

Right after I had Lazar eye surgery, I was blind for a few days and had to have a gorgeous man feed me. It was tough.

Climbing a mountain! This one was especially scary walking on a wire looking down at the huge drop off below!

Surfing in Oregon with my man, the waves were insane that day and I was just a little nervous.

Falling in love. Choosing to give my heart so someone to hold, never knowing what lies ahead.

Walking down the aisle with my Daddy, a dream in every girls heart!

Marriage. The most terrifying thing I have ever done.

"All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears--of falling, of the dark, of
lobsters, of falling on lobsters in the dark, or speaking before a Rotary Club,
and of the words "Some Assembly Required."---- Dave Barry

"What are fear but voices airy?

Whispering harm where harm is not.

And deluding the unwary

Till the fatal blow is shot!"

-Wordsworth

Psalm 55:5

"Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me."

Fall is so short in Alberta! At the end of every October I reflect on that and actually wish I lived somewhere else, like Ontario (don't tell my husband), where the fall days stretch on and on with untold beauty! And then November hits, the air changes, I dig out our scarves and mittens, defrost the car in the morning and see people glancing up into the air like a reflex saying out loud- Is that snow?! Yes, panic is here, the fear of w...wwww....winnnnn...ter. I may be absolutely crazy, but I love it! Every year I can't wait for the first snow fall, when the world paints itself white. I have always darted outside all bundled up to laugh and jump in the falling flakes that bring the hope of Christmas.

Thoughts of Alberta in April are far from my mind, when people take to kicking the snow in hopes it will melt faster, all the while knowing it will stay like a headache till May at least.

Winter, I am dedicating this blog to you, I have been thinking long and hard about fear recently, this blog has taken me a few weeks to write, all because, as I told a friend, I'm too scared to post it!

This story is for my brother in law Josh, who keeps getting after me about my last story. Apparently I set a standard too high for any other man to beat when I posted in the last blog I wrote.

It was late and I was hungry, so I quietly got out of bed, turned the door knob and SQUEAK! My husband sat straight up and said "Hello?! WHO'S THERE??"

I jumped back on the bed and told him it was just me, and that everything is fine. He sank right back on the pillow and didn't remember a thing the next morning.

It got me thinking about fear, well, actually I had been thinking about fear way before then, ever since I realized that I am a very fearful person. Who me? Yes. Me. I might as well go around introducing myself as "Hello, I'm afraid."

The pictures above might seem random but they all have a common theme. They are all before, after and while I am doing something that absolutely terrifies me. I remember each instance, why I didn't give into my fear and who or what pushed me (sometimes literally) off the ledge.

God has been teaching me some important things lately as He always does when I listen!

1. I am fearful. (We have established this I think)

2. Yes, I am human, but it says in God's word that He has not given me a Spirit of fear, but of Power, of Love and of a sound mind. I think that's pretty clear don't you?

3. The only thing I need to fear is God. By fearing other, worldly things I am telling my Father that I don't trust or respect Him.

I have been telling God that I don't trust or respect Him. I hate it when He humbles me.

One of the songs that played during our wedding slide show was "Risk" by Paul Brandt. That song pretty much sums up our relationship. Here is the chorus:

"I'd rather burn with desire deep in my soul

And love like a fire that’s out of control

and laugh and dance and fall and chance and kiss.

I’d rather live my whole life with a sense of abandon

Squeeze every drop out no matter what happens.

And not wonder what I've missed

I’d rather risk."

I was called a gypsy a few months before Jordan came back into my life again. And it was true. I lived from year to year not thinking of what came next. Moved from place to place and took on every new opportunity, but I was TERRIFIED of commitment. Dating was the last thing that I thought of then because that might lead to marriage (collective gasp), and marriage is so...permanent! When Jordan asked me if he could be my first ever boyfriend, I said yes knowing that he was exactly what I needed and desired in a husband, but that didn't mean that I didn't freak out. I lost ten pounds, hardly ever slept, called my bestie Jordan Ann twelve times a day to ask her if I really should be doing this, was late for work twice which had never happened before and walked around the house aimlessly with no direction or thought.

And yet, I had such a peace that I know was from God. He gently would whisper to me that His ways are greater than my own, that He has a perfect plan for me and that it was finally my time after waiting, hoping and dreaming! God is the reason for the peace that I have in life. He is the reason I can walk away from my Grandfathers coffin and face life without his crazy grin. The reason I let that horse run the second time, holding on the right way this time as I trusted an animal and moved with his strong body feeling God's laughter resound with mine. And the reason I grabbed my fathers elbow with a confident smile and walked steadily down the aisle to the man waiting for me with tears running down his face.

I want to risk. I long to run through my life with my Savior with no fear because fear never comes from God!

It snowed last week in Trochu. People have stopped looking up nervously now that it has happened and we know more will come.

"Welcome winter!" I say as I stare into the falling snow. I will not fear what is to come because my God is with me!

One Night Apart

In the short time that I have been married I have come across a wonderful discovery. Flirting is SO much better after marriage. I am not going to go into details with that thought. If someone had told me that when I was younger I would have looked at them like I looked at my Mother when she randomly entered my room and went "ruff!". Below I have the vows I wrote to Jordan on our wedding day:

"Like every little girl, I would play pretend with my friends. We would imagine our future's, the boys we would date, the Prince Charming that would come and sweep us away, then my friends would play house with their imaginary children. Not me, I would stop and linger over Prince Charming, how we would meet, the clever and witty things he would say that would make me blush, the dates we would go on and how he would romance me. I remember thinking, "I don't want to get married, I want to date forever. Life gets so boring after marriage."

And then I met you and you said many clever and witty things, which I laughed at. You romanced me, took me on dates and told me you loved me. It was my dream come true. But then something happened I didn't expect, I fell in love with you. And I found myself wishing more than anything else to be married to you. For the courting stage to be over so we could start our life together. You are the most genuine person I know, you love life and pursue God and there was never a more eager bride to take your hand and start this journey with you.

Jordan Matthew, I stand here today in white, not because of fashion, or tradition, or because I am pure, but because God is giving me to you today as a gift. May I always be a gift, not a hindrance or a stumbling block. I know that what we are about to vow to is going to be the hardest vow to keep, and so I promise to put Jesus first in our marriage, to love Him more than I'll ever love you, for only then can I truly show you love. I promise to make you laugh as often as possible and to be faithful. To make home a place you run to get to and a place you want to stay. I will care for you, be your helpmate, encourage you in your ministry and stand by you no matter what comes. I give my heart to you, to guard and protect. I love you."

I said those words to my fiance in front of 2 hundred people not knowing what Marriage would be like, excited, expectant, terrified but with a peace that Jordan and I are better together than apart. If I would have known when I was younger just how wonderful marriage is, I would have begged Jordan to marry me when I was 18!
I went with my Family to Lethbridge this past weekend. I was not looking forward to it. I wanted to go to see my brother and sister in law, and my Aunt and Uncle of course and witness my past roommates wedding, but I did not want to be away from Jordan for that long. We have only ever spent one night away from each other since June 18th and I wanted to keep it that way!
I managed fine the first day, but by Saturday I missed my husband and my home and couldn't wait to get back! I went to bed on Saturday night thinking- One more night!
Around 12:30 I woke up by someone coming in the front door (I was sleeping on the couch) and immediately knew who it was but couldn't believe it! My husband pounced on me and I have never been so excited to see him. It is a 3 hour drive from Trochu to Lethbridge and Jordan had to teach Sunday School that morning. As we fell asleep that night all cuddled up he said "We've still only slept one night apart." Then away he went at 6:30am to drive back.

For Jordan to show his love in such a way kept me grinning all day long and even more excited to see him when I got back. I know that we are still Newly Wed's and the full pressures of marriage haven't hit us yet, that we will have days, weeks, months and even years of hard times. But one thing I do know is, that I will love this man through everything because of his selfless love for me. I can't believe how blessed I am!
No matter where you are in life, happily married, newly divorced, single, dating, engaged...I want you to hold on to this truth as I do- God wants your heart. He will love you through everything, and will be beside you through out your life. Jordan's act of love is an example of what Jesus will do for you and does for you everyday.
I pray that you know his love today in an active real way and can't help but grin!

2 Corinthians 13:14
May the GRACE of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.

My Very Last Spanking

I was rarely spanked growing up. My Mother says it's because I was an angel till I was 13, my Father says it's because I would look up at him with my big green eyes and he would suddenly forget why he was angry and what exactly it was that I did (this is a gift I still possess and use it quite regularly on my Husband). So you can imagine my shock when at 23 years of age, I got a spanking.
Have any of you watched the movie "Mclintock"? It's my favourite John Wayne movie. Mr. and Mrs. Mclintock though still married, have parted ways for quite a few years and reunite at their daughters return from college. Mrs. Mclintock is well...spoiled and Mr. Mclintock is well...an idiot. There are of course, side stories to the movie and many events in between the beginning and ending, but the climax of the movie happens when Mr. is confidently chasing Mrs. down the main street in the old western town with the intent of giving her just what she deserves. He finally catches her and in front of all the townsfolk, gives her a spanking.
(Spoiler!)The movie ends with them madly in love with each other.

I don't know how many times I have watched that movie. In all the times I have watched it though, I never imagined anything like that happening to me.
No, Jordan did not chase me down main street in Trochu. He did however, give me a much deserved spanking. You see, I said a bad word. Two in fact. we were parked somewhere in the car, about to drive away and I casually called him something I should not have, without the least thought as to why I would do such a thing. I have always known never to say bad words to a Pastor, now I know why.
He calmly looked over at me. Said "Rachael, was that the wise thing to say? I'm going to have to spank you."
(For those who either don't have a sense of humour or don't know me or my husband at all, I'm going to have to clarify that it was not abuse, nor was it a hard spanking and we were laughing through it all so please don't call the police)

So why did I say such a thing to my husband whom I dearly love and would give my life for? I was watching a show the day before, I show I like very much. The actors would call each other these two words often and so when I repeated it, it seemed the most natural thing in the world.
This got me thinking about what we put in our bodies.

It is common knowledge that what goes in must come out (for those laughing right now, yes, like poop). I believe this is not only about the food we eat. When I was putting that show into my mind, even though it is a wonderful show and gets me laughing so hard, my mind was picking up everything I was giving it with my eyes and ears. Some of what came into my mind stuck and came out of my mouth. This is true for the books we read (I am vehemently against romance novels that put unrealistic views of love and life into impresionable girls minds. I myself was one of those girls that read every romance novel I could get my hands on, I started to think that was the way it would be and stepped into that world, forgetting reality, who I was and the God who loved me and wanted my heart when ever I would open a book. I could go on about this topic for an entire blog and maybe someday will. But for now I suppose I should go back to what I was saying), the movies we watch, the shows we watch, what we do on line, who we talk to, who we are friends with, who we hang around. And the list goes on! We are who are friends are, isn't that the saying? I want to expand on that and say- we are what we put in our minds.

I have noticed that when I am watching a lot of movies, even if Jordan and I want to relax by putting a few movies on a week, or am on facebook five times a day (this sometimes happens), or if I'm listening to music that doesn't glorify God, or am around people who are swearing, gossiping or being pessimistic about life, or am reading books that do not point to God or are saturated with romance, that I am less likely to pick up my Bible or go away by myself and talk to my God, or even think of Him through out the day.
I have also noticed that I am more likely to become depressed, down, angry at God, my husband, family and friends, and think essentially that my life is terribly boring and I wish I were someone else. I do not look in the mirror and say -Dang, you're attractive. Or- thank you Lord for making me the way you did. Instead, I am quick to criticize myself and others. Does anyone else ever feel this way?

I should again clarify that I do not see anything wrong with picking up a non-christian book, or watching a movie, or being on facebook. BUT when I surround myself with these things and do not have a good balance, that is when I slowly start to change. I become self-absorbed.

On the flip side, when I take the time to shut off my computer and wrestle with my husband, or play a board game, or simply cuddle and talk about life, our relationship grows and we have both met a need in our daily life.

When I read a book about Joni Eareckson Tada, Corrie Ten Boom, or Billy Graham, I am less likely to look at my life with remorse and selfishness, but on what God has given me and how I can give that to others, their stories teach me about the God I love and encourage me to love others.

When I am listening to music that inspires me and is drenched with the words of God and speaks of His glory, then I go throughout my day with the words of God in my mind and can't stop singing!


When I am having regular devotions, reading my Bible and memorizing scripture, I find that verses come to my mind when I need them the most. Some times I don't even remember reading or memorizing them but know that I have and it's God's gentle whisper to me!


When I am reading a book about how I can grow my relationship with Jesus, a book that teaches HIS promises and the life He led, I find myself talking to Him more, reading my Bible more and laughing with Him more. Books like that also encourage me to write, a passion I have had all of my life and would love to take further, they inspire me to dream and to act on those dreams.


When I say no to a movie and yes to a tea date with a friend, or go into my craft room and make a card for someone, clean my house, or go on a walk with my husband, I am investing in REAL PEOPLE and real relationships and come out so joyful, a part of me has been fulfilled by investing in others.

When I surround myself with close friends who also have a relationship with Jesus, who encourage me with my walk with Christ and who love to talk about theirs, I become a better person because I have shared an hour or two with them. I am so incredibly blessed with the close friends I have, friends who encourage me, who love me even when I say bad words =), laugh and cry with me. Friends who forgive me and I know I can count on and who can count on me. This is because I made it a point to surround myself those kind of ladies.
It is so important to spend time with those who build others up instead of tearing down. And it's even more important to be like the friends I was describing.

In the Bible it talks about the fruit of the spirit. Fruit is simply a word to describe different attributes. A tree that has good fruit will grow and flurish, but a tree that has rotten fruit will quickly die.

Galatians 5:22-26
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

God is also described as a vine and a gardener. Please don't skip over these next verses, even if you have read them before, but read it twice if need be so you truly come to know what Jesus is saying.


John 15:1-9
“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love."

I don't know about you, but I don't want to be the branch bearing bad fruit that God throws away. I want so desperately to REMAIN IN HIM by not being idle, by working with my hands, putting clean, good things in my mind, reading my Bible, singing praises to Him, laughing with my husband, encouraging my friends and non believers, being the kind of woman who brings people to God simply by being around them. I want to be a good wife, a good friend, a good daughter and a good woman. And I don't want to have any more spankings in this lifetime.

Some good books I have read that everyone else should-
Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge
Waking the Dead by John Eldridge
Joni by Joni Eareckson
The Small Woman by Alan Burgess
The Sin Eater by Francine Rivers (anything by her)
The Lost Art of True Beauty by Leslie Ludy
50 People Every Christian Should Know by Warren W.Wiersbe
We Were Young and at War by Sarah Wallis and Svetlana Palmer
Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

And the list goes on! If you have a book that you think I should read please tell me! I'm always looking for more. A friend of mine and I have started a book club, we just started last month, got together and each chose a book. When we get together next, we'll talk about that book that we read and swap them! It's already been a lot of fun and I would encourage anyone to do it if you love books and reading.

This is all something that God has been patiently teaching me as I grow into a woman after HIS own heart. I mess up countless times only to run back into the safety of His arms, all it takes is for me lift my eyes off of myself and on to the One who created me for His glory, the One who knows and loves me like no one else ever will. The One who loves YOU. Remain in Him.

Our Journey

The Father Spoke:
Come Child, let us journey together.
Where shall we go Father?
To a distant land, another kingdom.
So the journey will be long?
Yes, we must travel everyday.
When will we reach our destination?
At the end of our days.
And who will accompany us?
Joy and Sorrow.
Must Sorrow travel with us?
Yes, She is necessary to keep you close to Me.
But I want only joy.
It is only with Sorrow that you will know true Joy.
What must I bring?
A willing heart to follow me.
What shall I do on this journey?
There is only one thing that you must do-stay close to Me. Let nothing distract you. Always keep your eyes on me.
And what will I see?
You will see My glory.
And what will I know?
You will know my heart.

The Father stretched out His hand. The child, knowing the great love her Father had for her, placed her hand in His and began her journey.

As I sit here and write, the wind that was pushing the leaves around our small town has died down to a qiuet breeze. How I love Fall!
I'm typing as fast as I can go, trying to write my thoughts out before Youth Group starts. My husband is already at the church and can't take a break to come eat so I'm bringing some food over. I just realized I had the wrong burner on, so now I'm not sure if I'll even have supper. This is a typical Friday night. Sometimes I wonder why I signed up for this, until I get there and start throwing foam balls at the teens, laugh and talk with them, or laugh at them which is usually the case. Then it all comes back to me!
When I was younger I heard that when you give your life to God, you never know what to expect. He will take it and could do terrible things with it. You know, like the story of Job? So I decided when I heard that, that I wasn't ready to tell God to take my whole life. In fact, God, why don't you give me a long time to decide? I did of course give God my life, all of it. And things haven't exactly worked out the way I've planned, but surprisingly, when bad things have happened to me and my loved ones, it's only made my walk with God stronger and as such, given me more joy. How is that possible? It's because of HIS incredible grace and strength. It amazes me every day.

I never wanted to marry a Pastor. In fact, I wanted to marry a Farmer. My husband likes to remind me of that whenever I squeal when I see a spider, or cautiously step inside a barn. A farmer huh? He laughs. I remember telling my friend I would marry anyone but a Pastor, that's the one thing God would never subject me too. I'm sure God was laughing at me then too.

I was terrified of Jordan's church when I started dating him, for the sake of those church goers who are reading this, I still am. Every week. =) And when we were engaged I was terrified of what that meant. Youth Pastor's wife. Ok God, I'm trusting You with this because You know I'm the last person who should be given that job.
Life doesn't turn out the way you think it will, the way you plan. So plan on that. The good news is, it turns out even better if you have your hope and trust in Jesus Christ!!
Even though I never wanted this life, I wake up every morning marveling at the fact that I get to live this life one more day!
Some days don't turn out the way I hoped they would, I argue with my husband, I really really don't want to clean the bathroom, I forget something important or let someone down. So why do I keep going? What's my secret and the secret of every one who believes and puts their hope in Jesus? When I was studying over in Austria at age 19, I went through the Bible and wrote down promises that I read. OK, so I went through a FEW books of the Bible and saw so many of His promises that I stopped writing them down, there are so many! God loves each one of His children so much.
Bellow are some of what I found 4 years ago.

Sometimes life hurts. It seems to choke you with despair, regret, past bitterness, present pain and future fear. I will never leave you or forsake you. It can be overwhelming to juggle all life hands you, stress comes no matter how hard you try to keep it at bay. Come all you who are weary and I will give you rest. Tears come when life doesn't go the way we planned. He gathers you in His arms. People close to us betray us. I will fight for you, you need only to be still. We don't belong. I am your Father. Cruelty comes from those we barely know. I take up your infirmities. We fight back with selfishness, thinking that because we have suffered we deserve more. Sin is not your master because you are under grace. We look at others and covet what they have, how they act, how they look. I am enthralled by your beauty. Other's have it all together, why would God choose me? I choose the weak things to shame the strong. We feel used up, beaten down and pushed around. You are my treasure. Somedays we wake up and frown at the mirror, we go throughout the day thinking of how ugly we are. You are without blemish. New things in life scare us, things that may happen to our loved ones, to the life we have now. Do not be afraid for I am with you. We laugh at our dreams and if we don't, others do. With God nothing is impossible. We are selfish. Give and it will be given to you. We think God is against us, that He wants to hurt us. I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. How can a God who is way up in heaven care about anything that goes on in my life? Do not worry, I will take care of you. Life scares us. Do not fear for I am with you. Evil surrounds us. No one can snatch you out of my hand. Peace seems just out of reach. I leave you my peace. Burdens are too hard to bear. I carry your sorrows. We feel all alone. I will be with you, to the very end of the age. We make mistakes. I am wonderful in counsel and magnificent in wisdom. Trouble is never far. In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world! We are weak. Those who hope in Me will renew their strength. No one is there to help us. My help comes from the Lord. The task of being a Christian is too overwhelming. Whoever loses their life for my sake will find it. We become impatient waiting for the future. Be still, and wait for the Lord. You have no idea what I have done! You are justified freely by my grace. God will never forgive me, you say. I long to be gracious to you. How am I supposed to lose my life? All I ask is for you to do what you can, I will do the rest. What's so amazing about giving God my life? I have come that you might have life, and have it to the full. How do we know He won't forget us? My unfailing love for you will not be shaken.
YOU ARE MINE.


Let God take your life and see where He leads you. I promise it will be the most excited journey you will ever be on! Look at me, I've snagged myself a hot husband who occasionally does the dishes and promises me lots of children. I know our life will never be easy, it hasn't been easy already and we aren't even four months in! But it will be more rich than all the wealth in the world, because Jesus is taking our hands and leading us on this journey. The journey with Joy and Sorrow.

The new blogger

I am one of those new bloggers, the kind of people that say- I never thought I would ever have a blog so this is totally weird but I hope that maybe, um, people will read this...

I LOVE writing and creating so why I haven't had a blog before I will never know. Maybe because of my attrocious spelling? Did I even spell that right?

Thanks to friends encouragement and God prompting me to put something on the wide web about HIM, that speaks of HIS glory, goodness, and sense of humour and about a wife messing up ALL the time.

I hope you will enjoy this as much as I enjoy writing it.

So why blog? What makes me think I have anything to say worth saying? And what should I write about? Things that need to be addressed like world hunger and the sex trade (two things VERY dear to my heart)? Good books to read? What about the insane things my husband does when he thinks no one is looking? Or how much he makes me laugh in the morning, you never know what he'll say when he's just woken up! Or how I am training him to sneeze into his elbow and whenever he doesn't he looks up at me like a dear caught in headlights. But whenever he does he thinks it's funny to then wipe his sleeve on me. I think he's trying to make a point but I will win this battle.

Why don't I write about people in my life and why they are in my life? Or what I am learning about myself from being married that I never would have known before, like how I have trouble remembering to shut cupboards and forget to water plants.

Growing up with two insane brothers who are good at everything, a wonderful Mother who never stops working or doing something with her hands, and a Father who is known around the world?

If I could blog, I would blog about life. I would blog about God and why I believe He is life, the air that I breathe and my very breath. I would blog...simply to create.

And that is why I am typing right now, to create. Thinking that out there somewhere there is someone who wants to read about someone creating words and images. Someone who wants to be inspired to be different, to love life and most importantly God.

This blog may be called the Good Wife (no pun intended...), but that doesn't mean it's only for wives, far from it! This is one woman's ramblings about discovering this new role and all the craziness that comes from it, because so far I feel like I'm failing miserably. And yet, my husband thanks me everyday for what I do and how I love him. Along the way I hope there will be many laughs, at my mistakes or findings. And also something to learn for your life, in whatever journey you are on. SO...

The journey begins, care to come along?