For some of you, that is a regular occurrence, I am sorry for that. For me, who only enjoys a Bailey's now and then, I have never experienced a night out of my reach where my memories do not fill.
I remember the horse was brown. I remember two of my Junior High girls riding behind and in front. I remember the night was crisp and I was wearing my new second hand brown sweater. I can see Jordan two horses ahead of me with our new camera snapping pictures of dozens of badlands.
He turned his horse around to bring me his coat and I snuggled in the warmth.
Night was setting in, dusk was enveloping us.
He told me I had forgotten him. When I reach back into that night I can see people surrounding me, the girls, my parents, our pastor, the doctor. My Husband was not there. But he was. He never left me. He called my name, answered my questions, held me, wiped my tears, answered the same questions again, told me they would not be 'poking me' at the hospital, carried me to bed and woke me to make sure I was still there.
How can I forget the one who calmed my fears and was my rock?
"Do you remember me?" He asked at 5:00am. I laughed not knowing how real his fear was.
"I remember you."
But my concussion quickly became the least of our worries. I walked around in a daze that week and the next, reeling from heart-pain I still don't know how to handle. Attacked.
I am sore and dizzy two weeks later but the heart-pain that hurts more than my aches remains.
All I can pray these days is "Jesus...the one you love is sick"
That is enough.
I am Mary hearing that Jesus has arrived and leaving the mourners to run to him. Martha and her had sent a note to him days ago with only these words "Lord, the one you love is sick." No other words were needed. Her brother was dying but she did not throw demands at Jesus, telling him exactly what He should do and when.
How often do I tell God I and others are hurting then explain to Him how I think He should help?
Her brother Lazarus died and when Jesus finally came, she got up immediately and ran to him."Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died."
These are my words to Jesus-
The two you love are sick. Heart-sick. And Lord, I am helpless. I am angry. I don't know how to make this go away. I used to protect them. I was fierce and relentless, I would have done anything in my power to make their lives easy. To make their lives good. I have battled for them, and lost.
"Do you remember me?" I don't laugh this time as the words come from somewhere within.
"I am the Alpha and the Omega. The Beginning and the End.
The Lord of Hosts. Comforter, Redeemer, Friend.
I will never leave you nor forsake you.
I bind the broken hearted and fiercely protect those who are My own.
I am the Mender. Saviour. Lover. Father to the Fatherless.
I AM."
"Do you remember me? I raised Lazarus from the dead."
