I haven't written in a while. Mostly because I don't know where to start, or what to write. Even now I have no idea what word will come next.
Our life is so full right now, but I am once again broken. Do you ever feel that way? Right now I am listening to a song and this is what I hear- "When I'm broken, scared by sin, death gives way to life again. when I suffer, when I'm down, in YOU I'm free, in YOU I'm found." (You're Not Shaken by Phil Stacey)
Isn't it funny how God works?
My help comes from the Lord.
I have been realizing how completely incapable I am to do this "job" of a Pastor's Wife. In fact I sometimes detest it. (shock!) It's lonely. It's tiring. It's discouraging. It's annoying. It's heart breaking. It's busy. It's draining. Did I mention it's lonely?
I never thought I would write that in this blog. In my nightmares I can see the people in our church reading it and pulling me aside. Writing this must mean I'm really crazy.
The fact is, our church is wonderful, most of the people are wonderful and I feel so blessed to be serving there.
But another fact? No matter what church a Pastor and Pastor's wife serve at, it will ALWAYS be discouraging and draining and lonely at some point.
Why is that? Why Lord?
Because people are lonely, and discouraging, annoying, busy and draining. Anyone who works with people or is a person knows that!
I have always had the dream to work overseas. Specifically to work at or start an orphanage. I long to look after orphans and widows in their distress as the last few verses of James tell us perfect 'religion' is. Maybe God has that in our future, I don't know. What I do know is, we are called to be in this little town on the prairies, and that is where we will be till God calls us elsewhere. Orphans and widows, people in need, are not only overseas. but right here. I long to be His hands and feet, to say YES to God daily for whatever He asks. I need to remind myself of that so often! Satan seeks to kill and destroy, especially those who know the Lord is their hope and I will not let him do that to me or my husband.
I'm sorry if my thoughts don't make sense, I am writing from somewhere deep down that even I don't understand. I am slowly starting to grasp my role as my Husbands helper. And I am in no means wanting sympathy. Our life is so full remember? And rich. I am blessed beyond measure.
We were told by a dear friend that ministry during your first year of marriage is not the smartest idea and I now see why. At the time I said that if we weren't doing this, we would be doing some other kind of ministry for that is where our hearts are! And it's true. But every now and then I am reminded of that conversation and have a very different response in mind.
It is crazy, our schedule is WAY too busy for a first year of marriage. But I have resolved never to be that person that when asked how I am I always respond with "So busy!" And then talk for twenty minutes about why to the poor person who asked.
Life will always be busy. I would much rather have it busy then sit around doing nothing, I have been there and will take this life over that one any day.
So, what am I trying to say in this pathetic post? Life is not rosy as a Youth Pastor's wife, it's busy and sometimes heart breaking but it is RICH in all things good. There is never a dull moment.
Could you do something for me though? The next time you see your Pastors wife, give her a hug. Heaven knows she needs it.
